Tuesday, 2 March 2010


Ze is a man I am beginning to think of as a very very good soul, I like him.

Apart from that it's a lunchtime, only this time not Friday.. time. I've been working hard on not working these last few days, my brain feels a little short circuited and I'm trying to get some things sorted so I can finish stuff off, but for me 80% isn't what Ze's 80% is, it's more like the point at which you can proceed no further without a leg up. Although I think that is the key difference between doing something you like or want to like and doing something you have to, or tell yourself you're being made to do.

The second I put down my notes after term time in college I would go and find articles from physics journals, find out tons of things and seek after interesting ideas, day one of term time I lose the love and revert to a big baby who has to be hand held through the work. Does that mean I don't love physics? Or just that I'm very immature and unmotivated?

I want to be good at art, or poetry, I like to draw and like to write, sometimes I think my ideas for movies, skits or images are amazing (as I'm sure most people do, I'm not thinking I'm alone or special on this subject) but in most ways I seem to lack the drive (and others the skill), often I bail at the 80% mark and decide this wasn't for me, if I even make it that far. I tell myself certain things, "yes, you can draw, you just can't do faces" so I never do, and so I never get any better at them. And in some ways I get afraid of losing my license over the ideas, although that is more of a hollow fear as I never have ideas I like for that long.

Written a long time ago, on a bus from not so far away.

It's not that I don't ever do things I like, there are always those times. I'm just saying that at this moment I haven't completed a project in a long time. There are son many I would love to spend time on, electronics projects, painting, building, programming, designing, planting, learning.. And in one way I'm happy I've had all these ideas (Note to self: write them down!) but in the other I wish I could just sit down and do them!

Anyway, lunchtime is over, time to get back to it.


Anonymous said...


Zakerius said...

Hah, it really has been that long since I've put effort in :(